is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
