Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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