I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
