I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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