I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
