At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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