i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
