so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
