This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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