there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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