who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
