Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
