yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
