We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
