playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize