he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize