can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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