Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
