You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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