nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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