i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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