Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
