I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
