some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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