I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
