is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
