I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
