Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
