she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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