1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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