if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
