She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
As shirtless as possible
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
