something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You made out with two different species that night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
