I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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