Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
