At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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