the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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