you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
