You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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