I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
