The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
