so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Houston, we have a blender
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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