quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
whose parrot is this?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
