Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
