he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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