How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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