May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
