id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
