Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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