you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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