You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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