I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
