she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
