I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
