You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
