Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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