Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
