So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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