You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
