There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
