My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
