FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
