I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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