I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
