I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize