This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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