Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
