I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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