I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize