Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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