Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
