From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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