Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
