I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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