you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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